2020 Vision

leaning in ✨ reflecting on 2019, it was such a hustle year for me.

my intention was to do more and expand in the spaces I was in. expand recharge wellness, expand within boxunion, and do more work on myself. I wanted to set myself up through the hustle to find a flow.

this last year was filled with so many incredible gifts. I stepped into a full time dream role at @boxunionstudio as the manager of talent and training as well as a full time coach with the most supportive team and mentors [ it’s been a dream of mine to teach at one studio since I started teaching 6 years ago so this one is a bit surreal ]. i expanded recharge wellness to a place that I’m truly excited about and ready for another year of connecting women through events and retreats.

personally I have grown beyond what I knew I could (discomfort will force you to change and I’m HERE FOR IT), I’m in a relationship that I’m beyond grateful for, and the women that surround me are truly one of a kind.

2019 was a huge year of growth and hard work and for 2020 I just want to LEAN IN and most importantly own my power.

no resolutions. just intentions. no fear. just trust.

lean into all of the hard work I’ve put in, lean into the path that’s been unfolding for me, and continue to trust the twists and turns that life has in store for me.

2020 feels extremely special and damn am I excited to see what comes!

NEW YEAR, NOW WHAT?

New Year New Me. Blah Blah Blah. Yes, it’s that time of year. And as much as I love new beginnings, fresh starts, and the excitement that everyone feels when the new year approaches. It also comes with unrealistic expectations that we set on ourselves that tend to drop off by the 3rd week of January. Being in the fitness industry this is the first place I see resolutions start strong and fall off. Our studios are BUZZING the first week of January and it is truly my favorite time to teach. Everyone is optimistic and motivated and some stick with it (You Go Girl (or guy)) and others fall back into the same old habits. I like to think of resolutions as a big wish rather than a decision. This is why a few years ago I decided to set intentions and small goals rather than “resolutions”. I still do the vision boarding. I still reflect on the year that has just passed. But I make it a bit more intentional and a little less strict than I used to. I used to make myself sign a contract that I would work out x times a week, eat this, do that, and every single time I fell off. Someone asked me recently what my resolutions were and I responded with: Intentions. No resolutions. Small goals. And accountability. 

This has been my mantra and it sure served me well in 2018. For so many 2018 was a tough year. I am not excluded from that bunch of people. But I have seen it all over social media “I can’t wait for 2018 to be over, bring on 2019 this is my year”. Why on earth are you waiting for January 1st to create a change?! Why go any longer living in a way that doesn’t feel right for you!? Don’t. Wait. 

Do something. 

When I look back at 2018 I am truly amazed at the amount of change that has transpired. I started the year with a plan to move the second week of January to an area of LA that was 45 minutes away (ok 2 hours with traffic) from where I was, I was starting a business, about to embark in a training program for a new studio that was the home to a sport I had no experience with, and I was also newly single ready to take on this challenge. 

I successfully moved into my new apartment in my dream location, started training, got discouraged, kept going, hosted retreats and events, tried quitting multiple times, kept going, was making less than what I needed to be comfortable, ended up working a bunch of side hustles to keep paychecks coming, tried new things, met new people, allowed friendships to end that were no longer serving me, and truly put myself and my dreams first. I have always found excuses to play small, to put other things first, other people first, but this year was truly a year where I was willing to do anything it took to get to the goals I had set for myself. This year was 100% about the hustle. My social life suffered. My instagram may have made it seem like I had it all. But I was up early, in bed before 9, trying to keep my life alive while also pursuing my dreams and not letting anything get in my way. 

Now here I am a year later. I am free of all side hustles, working at 2 studios (which has always been my dream), making enough money to be comfortable, I have a host of new friends, I have held on to old friendships that stay near and dear to my heart, I reached my 5 year goal for my business (to host 6 retreats and 6 events a year) in the first year, and I am so freaking happy. BUT this did not come without moments of frustration, fear, doubt, loneliness, wanting to quit 100 times, and questioning if I was even on the right path. There were a million times that I wanted to stop. Moments where I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Moments where I really didn’t even believe in myself. But I kept going. And here I am. 

I was driving to my boxing studio to teach this morning and I had a moment where I was reflecting on the last year of my life. Completely in awe of how far I’ve come, followed by a moment of panic. 

NOW WHAT?

I’ve reached the goals I thought would take years to accomplish. I’m so incredibly happy with everything I am creating in my life. What else can I do now? Just keep going? Just keep doing the things that make me happy? If you know me, you know that that’s just not going to cut it. And I had a moment. 

MORE. 

I want to do more. I want to continue on the path that I’m on but allow myself to go deeper. To expand in the places that I love. I don’t have a studio that I’m hoping to work for like I have in the past, I don’t have a new certification I’m aiming to achieve, I don’t have a move coming up, I am right where I’m meant to be. So I can give more. There is always a way to go deeper. To expand in the places that you are. To trust that you were brought where you are to create a change and live out your purpose. 

I can’t say a whole lot more because I don’t want to give away all my plans and goals for this year before they happen. But don’t worry, they’re manifesting lol. 

So maybe the resolution, the goal, or the intention isn’t where you can go, but how you can expand and do more in the places that you are. Maybe you can dig deeper and see what you can bring to the space that you’re in. 

So that’s my intention for this year. 

More. Give more. Do more. Create more. 

Do it with purpose. Do it with meaning. And trust that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. Just keep going. 

SELF CARE

Self care looks different at every stage, every week ,every moment of our lives. Some days the most we can do is sit still and breathe for a few moments, some days we can get a massage, spend the full day with friends, take a trip, not take a trip, and fully dive in. 

In the last 6 months I have been in a transitional period that never seems to have a destination. I have been training for a new job in my field, I moved in the beginning of the year, I have bene working more than ever, taking on new projects, giving my business a space to thrive, creating new friendships, allowing others to shift, and in turn being the busiest I have ever been in my life. I think I say this often. “I’ve never been busier”, yet the plate that was seemingly full last year, has only gotten fuller as the plate gets bigger. Right now it feels like a freaking platter. 

The amazing part about all of this is that I don’t dread what I wake up early to do for work. I look forward to it, I love it, I feel alive when I’m in the middle of it, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I don’t burn out. Waking up before the sun comes up and putting my body through a lot of physical stress is the easiest way to have the answer to “how are you?” be “tired”. Always.

Right before I took this trip I was close to tears every day looking at how much was on my plate. Keep in mind every time I take a trip I treat the days leading up to it as if I’m never coming back. I always feel I have to get EVERYTHING done and pack the days before I travel until the moment my feet hit the plane. I was tired. I was burnt out. I was lonely. I was doing what I love but I was GIVING SO MUCH. Every meeting, class, work appointment I showed up to I was giving and I was not giving myself an opportunity to receive. To stop for 2 minutes and breathe. To nourish my body and allow myself to sleep the amount it deserves. 

Now don’t get me wrong I did this to myself. I sign up for everything I do. But what I can’t excuse is that I didn’t allow that hour to recharge every day. I didn’t make meals a priority. I didn’t factor in 8 hours of sleep as I was planning out my days. And that. does. not. work. By no means am I complaining, MY LIFE IS ABUNDANT AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT, but the balance has to be there. The self care HAS to be there. 

A couple weeks earlier self care looked a lot different. I would put on a face mask, pick up my favorite healthy meal, take a bath, and watch Real Housewives and give myself a full few hours that were truly dedicated to me and not to work or anything / anyone else but me. That hour or two allowed my body to rest, allowed my mind to take a break, took me away from emails, and allowed me to give myself something in return. 

As humans we give. a lot. We do it because we have to, because it feels good, because it pays our bills, because we want to. But what we are so quick to forget is the need to take. IT IS NOT SELFISH TO PRACTICE SELF CARE. I think it is the opposite. It is selfless to put myself first for a portion of time so that I can give effortlessly when I need to. 

My point is, self care will be necessary no matter what. For me, it is a non negotiable. And in every stage of our lives it may look different. I can guarantee this week will look different than the last. And that’s ok. This week I got to be with my family in my favorite place in the country, sleep in, break my routine, and enjoy taking a break. Did I check my emails? Yes. Too much. Did I work on projects? Yes. But I gave what I needed to and listened when I needed to stop. 

When we think self care we can  immediately go to massages, face masks, meditation, etc. But it can be whatever you need in that moment. Maybe it’s 8 hours of sleep, maybe it’s 5 minutes to sit without your phone in your car before a meeting, a podcast that will lift you up, calling a friend, cooking a meal that nourishes your body, pausing, who knows. It is what you need in that moment. It is whatever will allow you to recharge. 

So listen. Get quiet for a moment. And allow yourself to tap into what you need. When we move at 100mph we are ignoring the voice inside that is telling us what’s necessary. 

Listen. 

Practice.

Slow down if you need to.

Say yes.

Say no.

Breathe.

Smile.

Laugh. 

Be where your feet are. 

SAY YES

A few months ago my sister asked me if I wanted to take a trip with her to Tulum. A place that I had drooled over via instagram and had always been intrigued by. Although my heart said yes my head said no. I immediately went to all of the reasons why I shouldn’t go. I don’t want to spend the money, I have finally gotten my gut health to a good place and I don’t want to ruin it there, I like the routine of Christmas in Chicago, and the list went on. I continued to tell my sister “I’ll think about it” while she was attempting to plan this trip while sending me the most beautiful photos of the paradise we could spend a few days in. I fought it for a few weeks and one day I just had a moment where I decided to say yes. All of my reasons not to go suddenly became reasons to go. Financially, I could do it. My gut health is on track and this is a time to trust that I know how to stay on track. My routine can be changed and I won’t drop dead (even though sometimes it feels like it). So there it was. I said yes. 

One simple word. Yes. And I had committed not only to a trip but I honored something deep inside me that needed this trip. The last 2 months of 2017 have been a wild ride and I can’t think of a better time for this trip to have come. It’s almost like I knew that I was going to need to be there. And I am so freaking glad I said yes to this trip. 

We spent 4 days in a magical jungle, completely unplugged (well mostly), and present. I was able to step out of my routine and TRULY recharge. I did yoga on a cliff overlooking the ocean, ate the most incredible food, still celebrated matcha monday, read books at the beach, and participated in a sound healing that honestly shook me to my core (in a good way). I got to spend quality time with my beautiful sister and I got to completely reconnect to myself and where I am heading. I have a lot of changes coming in 2018 and I am fully ready to embrace them. A part of me felt anxious to get back to all of the things I “need to do” back home, but the reality was I needed to be there. I needed to recharge my batteries so I can show up with light and positivity to the changes that are being created for me. Tulum itself was a dream. It was magical, healing, and most importantly different.

Usually on any given occasion I am the first to plan each and every part of it. On this trip, I told my sister a few things that I wanted to do and then let go of the reins and allowed her to experience this trip through her eyes. I was able to truly let go of control and just be. 

Now I could continue to talk about Tulum and the magical powers that it has, but you can go there and figure it out for yourself. My main point of this blog post is the fact that I said yes. 

That is one of my intentions for 2018. To just say yes.

I frequently say this to my classes and I literally get chills when they respond “YES”. I am so quick to tell others to do it yet I was so afraid to do it myself. So in 2018 I am committing to saying yes more. If I wouldn’t have said yes I would have been cold in Chicago, taking classes that I can take anytime I’m home, and missing out on the spontaneity that life has to offer. 

I said yes and I got out of my comfort zone. I did something different. I allowed myself to experience something that deep down my soul truly needed. I recharged. I said yes not only to the experience but to myself. To what my heart wanted. 

I said yes and an opportunity arose. An opportunity I could have so quickly missed based on fear. 

So I challenge you. To just say yes. 

Say yes to the things that scare you.

Say yes to the opportunities that may challenge you.

Say yes to what your heart needs.

Say yes to the things that your soul is craving. 

Say yes even if you’re unsure of the outcome. 

Say yes and trust that the Universe has you in its care. 

Saying yes to a trip really just meant I was saying yes to myself. And I am so damn glad that I did. 

YOGI FOR 30 DAYS

A little over a month ago I felt the need to switch things up. Whether most of you know this or not, I have been struggling with gut health issues and it has kept me from working out the way I want to. It left me feeling very uncomfortable and honestly frustrated that I was losing strength. There were some days where I would be concerned with the way my body looked, but for the most part I was genuinely concerned about not being as strong as I was. It may seem vein, but it was more so a representation of the struggles I had been having with my body that was the most frustrating part. I would throw myself into a week of high intensity workouts on top of teaching 15 classes a week and found my body hating me for it. I knew that as I was healing I wanted to incorporate more movement outside of just teaching, but I also knew I had to find a balance. I planned on going to yoga at Y7 one day and I ended up overbooking myself to the extent where I couldn’t make the class. I knew that my body was craving yoga and I committed to doing it at home later that day. I struggle with at home workouts. I thrive being in a group of people who motivate you to go further and the powerful energy that is present when a group of people move together. Therefore, most of the time that I plan on doing something at home…it doesn't happen. But that specific day I had committed to it. I set an alarm on my phone and treated it as if I was showing up to a class. So at 3:30pm that day I rolled my mat out in my living room and followed through with my commitment. I put music on that helped me flow, turned it up louder than some studios would, and allowed myself to flow in a way that felt good. I was able to breathe, connect, and dig a little deeper to cater to exactly what my body needed.

That day I decided to commit to 30 days of yoga. I could feel that this was what my body needed and I wanted to honor that. Whether it was 10 minutes or an hour, I committed to yoga every single day. Here’s what I found. 

Setting time aside everyday to stretch, breathe, and flow, is truly a form of self care. 

I am fully able to connect to my breath when I practice yoga and therefore slow down my body and my thoughts. 

The music I flow to allows me to go deeper, flow longer, and feel what I need to.

It’s crazy how challenging it was to set time aside in my busy day, but never did I regret spending that time on the mat. 

Consistency is key. You will get stronger if you stay consistent.

The more I am in my head, the harder it is for me to keep my balance, therefore spending a few moments setting an intention before I begin allows me to get present in my practice and flow stronger. 

30 days of yoga was exactly what my body, heart, and soul needed to reset, recharge, and connect to my body.

I am not a yogi, anyone can do yoga, and I rekindled my love for yoga in 30 days.

There is a crazy amount of black lab hair on my floor, no matter how many times I sweep.

Although the last one may seem a little funny (it’s true) these were things I found out about myself over the course of 30 days. Listen to your body and what it’s craving. Allow yourself to commit to something for an extended period of time and see how you feel. Follow through on your commitments and be amazed by the things your body can do.

RECHARGE :: Heavily Meditated

About 6 months ago I attended an event with over 50 women in a room sharing their hearts and their souls with each other. It was vulnerable, it was open, and it was pure. On the drive home I remember the beginning of this little dream I had. I have always been a strong believer that women empower women, that if the space feels safe, beautiful things can happen. Thats when I started dreaming up what would become RECHARGE :: MEDITATION. 

Initially I wanted to have an “elevated girls night”. I wanted women to come to my house, cook healthy food, talk about crystals, goals, intentions, etc. I just wanted to create a space for people to feel safe and stray from the typical girls night gossip and pizza. The whole reason I began teaching was to create change. To help people tap into their inner power, purpose, and strength. So much of our lives consist of how we look, what we want other people to think of us, the outside rather than the inside. My main goal was to empower people from the inside out. To show them and help them find and be their best selves. Although I could see this taking place in my classes, there were many people who were missing this. Whether they weren’t physically able to show up to a class, afraid of the classes that this takes place in, or unaware that they could benefit from the power of moving in a group setting. I wanted to create that space for those people. I didn’t want it to be about the workout, I wanted it to be about the inner work that can go on in the movement. 

Now I do not mistake myself for a guru, an expert, or a shaman, which I am not. I am learning, growing, and changing with the other people in these rooms. I just feel strongly that it is a part of my purpose to create this space that is accessible to everyone. Going into planning this event I was terrified. My head was spinning with doubt and fear. “No one is going to want to come. Who do I think I am for creating something like this? Why would anyone even show up?” I was in so much fear. But ultimately I knew that if even 3 people showed up I would be happy. I would have created the space I had in mind. 

The event transformed over the next few months. A few companies sponsored the event. I found the most beautiful space. And people were RSVPing yes to the event. My meditation courses were making me confident that I could lead a meditation and create a space for people to get still. 

I had dreamed up this event for almost 6 months until it came together. I had put a lot of hard work in. Got a lot of no’s and many yes’s. I kept trusting that this idea wouldn’t have been put in my heart if I wasn’t meant to do something with it. The night was magical. We meditated, we set intentions, we burned and let go of the things we no longer needed or wanted. This group of women got vulnerable, they got honest, we got quiet. We drank kombucha and green juice, we chatted, and the event had come to fruition!

Moral of the story is that this idea had come to me and I worked extremely hard to make it happen. Although I wanted to let fear get in the way and just keep that little dream in my heart, I put it out into the world. I took a risk, I took a chance, and I did something that felt like it would help people. There is so much craziness going on in the world and I felt called to create a space where women could come together, get quiet, and connect. That’s really all we ever want to feel is a deep connection. Whether its to other people, to the Universe, or to ourselves. 

If you have a goal, do it. If you have a dream, talk about it. I talked to SO MANY of my friends asking them if they would be interested or if they thought this was crazy before I really got the ball rolling. If you want to start a blog, start writing. If you want to go back to school, start applying. If you want something, go after it. If you have that little feeling in your gut that says “Do Something” just do it! Trust that feeling. We will try. We will fail. We will succeed. But it all has to start with a dream, an idea, and a little work behind it. Just do it. Try it out. Trust that feeling. What’s the worst that could happen? 

BODY LOVE

Body Love.

This is a topic I have wanted to write about for quite some time now, but everytime I went to put pen to paper I found something holding me back. Maybe its the vulnerability that has to be present to write about this topic, maybe its because I am far from perfect when it comes to this, or maybe I wasn’t fully ready to admit where I have been and how far I’ve come with loving my body.

Growing up I was never the kid who had a fast metabolism and was stick thin. I started comparing my body to disney channel stars and images in the media when I was eleven and immediately the idea that my body was not good enough was engrained in me. I remember getting in the lunch line in middle school and choosing to fill my plate up with salad, hoping that this would prove to myself and to others that I could change. From a young age I obsessed over fad diets, exercising excessively, and clumping on makeup hoping that it would change the way I felt about myself.

It didn’t.

Even when my body would change, it would only be for a brief amount of time and the changes I would see were never enough. I could never compare to the beautiful women out there. I would never be enough. Oh how I wish I could visit that young girl and tell her how wrong she was.

Here I am, twenty something, and still affected by the media, still wondering what others think, but also fully connected to the beauty of my body. Many years ago I hit a very dark point in my life and was either under or overweight. No matter what I did I felt like I couldn’t win the battle that was “my perfect body”. Years later I know that the reason was because IT DOES NOT EXIST.

When I entered the fitness world I remember thinking that my body wasn’t like the other trainers I saw. I felt less than, I felt that the impact I wanted to have on my clients would be subpar because I didn’t have a six pack. I was wrong. I remember the moment when I realized that it didn’t matter. I was teaching and out of my mouth came this statement that I didn’t even know was in me. “Focus on what your body can do rather than what you want it to look like.” I swear I don’t know where that statement came from, but from that point on, my vision changed. My body is strong. It is powerful. It moves me every single day. It allows me to do what I love every single morning when I wake up. It allows me to move and release the sh*t that no longer serves me. It allows me to feel everything. It allows me to be active. It allows me to be who I am.

Once I started viewing my body as a vessel of love. I started my mornings with gratitude. I am grateful that I have legs that spin on a bike and walk me around everyday. I am grateful that I have a core that allows me to connect to my breath. I am grateful for a body that moves.

Some mornings I wake up and I am feeln’ myself. I am loving what I see in the mirror. Other mornings I want to hide and wear a sweatshirt in 90 degree weather. And some days I am just okay. In the days that are harder than others, I remember to stay grateful for the body that my soul lives in. As long as I’m comparing myself to anyone else, I will never be enough. But if I remember that my body is a vessel, it is beautiful, because it has a purpose.

All of our bodies are different. But I know when I am fueling my body with food that feels good, when I am moving my body, and presenting myself to the world as I truly am, I am staying true to myself. It’s okay to eat the ice cream. It’s okay to stick to a meal plan. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE OKAY. Your body is just that. It’s yours. It’s special. It was created for you to live out your purpose. So take a moment and before you start judging your body. Start finding the gratitude. Start trusting that your body is perfect just the way it is. Love it. Love it hard. Love what it can do. Love its imperfections. Love everything about it. It’s the only body you’ve got. So love it. On bad days. On good days. Love the body you’ve got. Love it hard.

MY QUEST FOR FUN

My Quest for Fun

This may seem like a silly idea for a blog post. We all have fun right? It seems to be a no brainer. But for some reason I found myself questioning what it is that I actually do for fun. I was reading a book and listening to speakers talking about seeking out “fun” and I realized that it’s not something that I do with intention. I love what I do for work, I love my friends, I love my alone time, but am I ever actually setting out to an activity with the intention of just having fun? As I’ve gotten a little older I would say I’ve become more career focused and less social. Although I am at peace with this, I also believe that there is a balance that is necessary that I have been struggling to find. Sometimes I wish I had a better answer to “what’s new” than I have a new class on my work schedule (but come try it, I promise you’ll love it). I wouldn’t necessary consider myself a serious person, but I would say that I’m focused. I didn’t want different, I wanted more.

When I started to think about this first of all I realized that I am blessed to have a life that is effortlessly enjoyable. I love my work and have fun every moment that I get to interact with people in class. I make a conscious effort to practice self care and recharge when I have the opportunity to do so. My best idea of a “good time” is going to different workout classes or moving my body. It makes me feel good so I consider it a good use of my time. And while this is absolutely true, someone asked me what it is that I like to do that doesn’t involve moving my body. Not kidding, I could not think of one thing. I legit asked my coworker to write me a list of things she likes to do for fun in the LA area for inspiration. Hiking? No that’s active. Paddle boarding? Same. Eating food with friends? Yes, but ultimately that is a basic human need. So I decided to figure it out. Hence my “Quest for Fun”. I do not have a 9-5 so it allows me a lot of time in the middle of the day when most people are at work. I usually spend this time working from home and accomplishing the tasks on my checklist that seems never ending. But this one day I decided to turn on a podcast. Not a spiritual podcast (which I usually gravitate towards to enhance my spiritual connection, but this time I wanted to do something different). I stumbled upon this podcast “Almost 30” and I swear it was meant to be. Not only was I laughing by myself (with my dog looking at me like a f*#king crazy person) but I was relating, and truly enjoying the time I was spending listening to these girls talk about the things that I discuss on a daily basis with my girlfriends. And before I knew it, I was having fun! I had found something that didn’t require me to move my body and I truly enjoyed. I didn’t know at the time that this podcast would lead me to people that I was meant to interact with.

I was so excited to have connected to something that was truly honoring me and my time that I continued further. I started making new recipes, writing more, trying out new coffee shops, and reading books that have been sitting on my shelves for months (ok years). I took an overnight trip to Ojai and just got to relax and enjoy the beautiful space I was in. This podcast led me to an incredible event called “Love Your Body” that was life changing and a guest on their talk, the only doctor that has been able to help me with some health issues I had been having for months. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still inspired to move every single day and cherish that time, but I am also fully aware that I CAN have fun without moving my body. WHO KNEW?!

So the moral of this story is not that I am now the hobby queen of my neighborhood or that I am a changed woman. But I am having fun. Intentionally. A lot of times when people suggest that I take time to take care of myself, my first thought is to go to yoga or take a bath, both of which are wonderful solutions, but not the only ones. I can also nurture my inner child that sometimes feels like she’s way (way) deep inside of me, but she’s there. We all deserve to have a little bit of fun. To do things spontaneously (working on that). And to enjoy life on a deeper level. One fun thing led to another and now it is a part of my to do lists. I plan time for self care, I plan time to move my body, and now I plan time to just enjoy life. I live across the street from the beach and until last week I couldn’t tell you the last time I had gone and just sat there listening to music.

So have some fun. Do something that scares you. Do something that makes you uncomfortable. Go somewhere new with the intention of just being in the moment. Allow new things to come into your life. Trust that when you’re having fun, you’re honoring a part of you that needs it. You’re taking care of yourself. Maybe that “fun” will lead you somewhere that you needed to be. Maybe it will lead you to people that will have an impact on your life. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll actually enjoy it.

Those are just some…

Twenty Something Talks

#HALFTHESTORY

My goal on social media has never been to paint a perfect picture. It has never been to attempt to make people believe that every day is a good day and that life doesn’t get hard sometimes. Although this has never been the goal, sometimes those bad days, those off moments, those difficult times, don’t make it onto our pages. I mean honestly who wants to post a picture of the day after you got dumped by someone you thought you’d spend forever with crying on the bathroom floor? Not me. I believe in that particular instance I posted a picture of myself smiling BIG to prove to the world and hoping to prove to myself that I was ok. I didn’t post about the heartbreak. I didn’t post about a lot of the hardships that we all experience. BUT that doesn’t mean that it can’t be talked about.

Several months ago when I started this blog my goal was to get a little bit more honest, a little deeper, and a bit more real with the people who were open to reading it. I try to leave my posts with an uplifting message, because ultimately that is true to who I am. We all have stories, we all have pasts, but I believe that those experiences are valuable to be able to help other people, and ultimately grow and become better people from it.

I remember the first post that I did that was a bit more honest and open than the others. I had been teaching for a while. I have always been so incredibly passionate and a desire to share what I think, feel, and hopefully inspires others, but for some reason I had a hard time doing that on social media. I wanted to keep it in the classroom until I literally couldn’t anymore. That first post I was nervous, I cared WAYtoo much what people thought about me, and wasn’t sure how people would respond. All I wanted to do was lift people up, and slowly thought time I was able to do more and more of it. And not care how people responded. But I did learn that the more vulnerable I got, the more that people responded.

When we get vulnerable. People respond. Our social media paints only half of the picture. So here is my #halfthestory.

My whole goal is to inspire people to be their best selves and to find it from the inside out. Because at one point in my life I wasn’t my best self. Some days I can still tend to feel that way. Some days I’m tired, I don’t feel inspired, I question myself, I doubt my path, I lose trust in the Universe that has led me to where I am now. Sometimes I love what I see in the mirror and others I want to throw on a pair of sweats and hide. A bit over 8 years ago my life was a mess. I had so many goals and dreams and all the support in the world to get there, but I just couldn’t. I was drowning in a world where I felt completely alone and I did everything I could to escape that feeling. 8 years ago was also the time when I got sober and my life began to change. It was not easy. It was challenging. I was young. I felt like a failure.  I felt like the only 15 year old on the planet who was sober. I wasn’t. But I sure felt like it. At some point I could .have been ashamed and felt like this was a demon, but it has become a way for me to help people. To be completely and 100% myself today. To be able to dig deeper and reach my full potential without anything standing in my way. I have grown. I have changed. And I am a stronger person from it. There are still days where I get overwhelmed. Where life feels like alot. But my life is beautiful. The Universe has led me to where I am now and I am eternally grateful for it. I am grateful for the events that led to me getting sober 8 years ago. And I’m grateful for where I am now.

I try to be transparent, honest, and true in all areas of my life. Those bad moments are just moments. Those bad days pass. Those doubts and thoughts disappear over time. But we all have a past. We all have life experiences that have shaped us, makes us who we are, and allows us to be human. To grow a little bit. To experience change in the best possible way, even when it scares us. And although I may have been nervous to share this here. This is my #halfthestory. Whats yours?

JOURNEY TO YOGI

I have never liked yoga. Ever. I have tried and tried and tried but nothing has ever stuck. I felt like every new year would come around and i would make it a goal, yet again to incorporate yoga into my fitness routine. I would take a class or two that would feel ok, but ultimately I would fall off. I love to work out. I love fitness and I love to push my body to new limits. But I also like to turn my mind off, recharge, and escape for an hour in a dark room. For some reason I just never felt that connection to yoga. My head would spin even deeper. I would compare myself to the girl next to me that in a blink of an eye had twisted herself into a pretzel. And as a busy body I never felt like the time I spent in the room was doing anything for my body and subsequently for my mind. So no matter how hard I tried, for years and years, I could never get myself into yoga.

Fast forward to last year when I walked into Y7 in West Hollywood. I was skeptical based on my prior judgment or shall I say experience of yoga classes, but I had heard good things, and the old school hip hop lover inside of me was intrigued. I brought 2 friends of mine, just in case I wasn’t feeling it, and on 2:30pm on a Sunday, my journey with yoga began. The room was candlelit, there were no mirrors, and the studio was heated. I immediately felt a connection to the space and felt comfortable. The instructor was motivating, kind, helpful, and did not make me feel like I needed to hold a handstand for half of the class to fit in.

To be completely honest, there is a part of me that knew I had never been good at yoga, therefore I didn’t like it. I know that we’re never good at anything in the beginning. It takes work, dedication, and practice. I have implemented these tools in other areas of my life, but for some reason I could not get myself to do them in a yoga practice. Until now.

Fast forward x amount of months later. I am still not amazing at yoga. BUT I am better. And I am actively seeking improvement. I fell in love with Y7. The energy. The people. The practice. For some reason when I practiced yoga at other studios, I could never seem to get my head to shut off, and would walk out feeling discouraged and not good enough. No one made me feel that way. That was just what my mind had brought me to experience. Hip Hop Yoga changed that for me. No no no you are not dancing and doing yoga in between (that was part of my impression before my first class lol). Hip hop blares from the speakers and the instructor leads you through a vinyasa flow. Throughout the class you are given opportunities to flow on your own. This was the part that had me hooked. I was able to move to the beat of the music. Experience the bass moving through my flow. Make mistakes. Not compare myself to anyone else in that room. Not be so obsessed with how I look while I’m attempting poses that are new and uncomfortable. And clear my head. I left that first class feeling empowered and free. And now, I leave every class feeling that way.

Y7 changed the way I view yoga and yoga has changed the way I feel in my skin. I am able to connect with my body in a different way than I am used to. I am able to set goals and achieve them. I can feel myself getting stronger in different ways. I am connected. I am empowered. I am changing. I am grateful that after all of these years I finally found a practice that works. Now I’m doing handstands in my apartment once a day, practicing my chataranga (excuse the spelling errors), and flowing on my own when I need to calm my head and my body. I have finally found that connection that I have been searching for. And of course, if you know me at all this will be no surprise, I am looking into getting certified.

For me, I had been looking to connect with yoga. For you, it could be anything. Yoga, spin, dance, or even a way to connect with your cute neighbor downstairs (I don’t know if I can tell you how to do that, but if I found a way to make peace with yoga, you can surely find a way to ask him out). You may not feel comfortable taking this task on alone, and you don’t have to (not talking about your neighbor we’ve moved on from that). Try something that makes you uncomfortable. Allow yourself to get out of that comfort zone, there is no growth to be had there. Get uncomfortable. Set some goals. Try something new. Be ok with being a beginner. Get out there. Just do it. You might surprise yourself. You might fall in love with something you never thought you would. Discovery is what life is all about. And that my friends is just some…

TWENTY SOMETHING TALKS

THE UNIVERSE HAS YOUR BACK

The Universe has your back. The title of my favorite book and a cliche that I am currently experiencing in full force.

I thought I would share a little story with you. It’s nothing crazy, but it’s about the little things right?

I have always wanted to help people. For a long time it was through music and over time it shifted to movement. When I first jumped into teaching classes, I had no idea that it would be my vessel of reaching people on a daily basis. I knew I wanted to create change, but I had no idea that this would be the way I would do it. When I graduated from college I started teaching and training full time. I was terrified. Is it possible for me to make a living doing something that I love so much and working such odd hours? I had spent most of my college life interning and working 9-5’s at music corporations (and loving it too) but I knew before I jumped back into that world I needed to see if I could make it in fitness, which was my true passion. I racked up a whole bunch of classes and started training more clients. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I was done with school and I finally had the time to devote to my work. I was so happy to finally be doing what I loved full time without any essays and finals to work on. I showed up to work everyday glowing and beyond happy to be doing what I was doing.

Then my first pay check came. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t what I needed. It was actually a great deal less than what I was going to need if I were going to make a serious living doing this dream job. I worked a few more months, taking on more classes and clients, but still not being able to fully make it. I was discouraged. I was tired. I was confused. Why did I feel so drawn to this passion that I had for teaching if I wasn’t meant to do it?

At this moment I knew that I had to chase this dream in a different way. I started looking into studios that I wanted to teach at. The biggest studios in the business and the ones down the street. I let my heart guide me with what the right ones would be. As I was building up at other studios I had a harsh realization that for right now, even though my ego didn’t want to admit it, I needed a side job. So even though I wasn’t crazy about the idea, I knew that I had to continue to chase this dream, no matter what it took. So I found the perfect side job. I began nannying again like I did before college. It allowed me to continue to teach as much as I needed to and make a living as well. I doubted myself. I told myself if I was really meant to do this as a career I wouldn’t need a side job. Yet every podcast, inspiration speaker, and friend had told me that it was just part of the process. It wasn’t for a little while that I truly started to believe them.

In the next six months I had worked 6 days a week, many many hours, and reached out to every and any studio that I felt drawn to. I hustled. Some offered me jobs, some didn’t. I accepted, and others I did not. I knew that no matter what I had to go where my heart was.

Fast forward 6 months later. I have been waiting and waiting to leave my side job, knowing that it wasn’t what I was meant to be doing, but knowing also that I needed it for the moment. I had been putting it out into the universe that I was ready to leave. I really wanted to be able to teach full time to give my body and my heart the time to recharge and really focus in on my classes and open up the time and energy to open myself up to other opportunities in this field. I was speaking to the founder of one of my studios (shoutout to Xavier Quimbo at Speedplay) and he was talking about the concept that there is never a good time to be “ready”. We will never necessarily feel ready. We have to take the leap.

So a few weeks later I decided to take the risk. A few opportunities had come into my path and I just felt that this was the time. It was a risk that I knew I was finally ready to take. I had made a plan. And now I have executed it.

So I sit here writing this, finally as a full time fitness instructor, living out my passion. As I set out to leave my nannying position there was fear, doubt, question if this was truly the right time for me to take this leap. And that was when I truly realized that the universe had my back. My last week at that job I was asked to be an Athleta ambassador (literally a dream). I had a rider come to all of my classes (doubled in one day). Another express to me that I had made an impact on her due to my teaching style. I received multiple messages from members or clients that had expressed their appreciation for what I do. Now if that’s not proof that the Universe was literally showing me that I didn’t need to doubt myself then I don’t know what is. I felt so inspired on that last day. I just knew that I was doing the right thing. I knew that I was being taken care of. And I knew that I was on the right path. Living my purpose. And doing exactly what I wanted to do. What I felt called to do.

I took the leap. I’m happier for it. And all of those fears have been taken care of. Opportunities have come into my path that I would have never dreamt of.

So take that leap. Make a plan. And do it. If you feel called to do something. Just do it. Don’t wait. The time will never feel perfect. Find your purpose. However that journey looks for you. And just go do it. The Universe will have your back.

Twenty Something Talks

JOB LOVE

When I was younger I had a lot of dreams, hell I still do, more than I even think I could have fathomed having at that young age. What I do remember is that I always knew that I wanted to do what I loved. I wanted to help people. When I was younger that took form through writing music and sharing it with the world (or anyone who would listen). I always felt like I had so much to say and I got to express those words through songwriting and later, share them through performing. It was and is a beautiful outlet to express the way I feel. I used to feel, and sometimes still do, that writing is the best way for me to express my emotions (hence the beginning of this blog). Although songwriting and singing is still very much so a love of mine and my most creative outlet, there was this part of me that felt like I had more to say than just what could fit in a few verses and a chorus. Cue my career change.

In 2013 I started getting into fitness. I had always been active and loved the way I felt when I would move. Growing up as a dancer, I could use my body to express the things that my words couldn’t. It was the power of movement that truly got me to enter into the career that I have now. That year I started teaching dance and fitness classes when I found myself in a spin class. The instructor didn’t just tellyou what to do, they connected with you on a spiritual, physical, and emotional level. During that time I had found myself in a really dark place. My self esteem was low, I didn’t believe in myself the way I used to, and ultimately I don’t think that I felt safe in the skin I was in. I started going to these classes as an escape and it became my safe place and my sanctuary. I would cry on those bikes, laugh, dance, and feel completely free of the place that I was in emotionally. It was then that I truly discovered the link between mental and physical fitness. I was able to discover the power of movement, especially in a group setting.

I healed the emotional pain that I was going through in those studios and the way that I was teaching completely transformed. I went on to get more certifications (and I am absolutely not done) and I started to get more vulnerable in the classes I teach. Of course we work out to look our best and feel our best, but my intention for fitness has changed drastically over the last few years. I encourage every class I teach to set an intention. Let that intention drive you to a place that your mind will try and tell you that you can’t get to. I urge them to feel a purpose with every step that they take and to move like you mean it. When we move together in a group, there’s a motivating factor that I truly don’t believe can be found anywhere else. I give my whole heart to these classes (I am usually exhausted mentally and physically after teaching but it is worth every ounce that I give) and they give me so much more in return.

I had always wanted a job that I love, that I feel connected to, and that can help people reach a change that is just waiting to be tapped into within them. I LOVE what I do. I have had moments of doubt, disappointment, not feeling good enough, and questioning if I made the right decision, but the fulfillment that I receive after teaching is like nothing else I have ever experienced. That is because I am living my purpose. The one that we all have inside of us and is just waiting to be tapped into. The power of movement is one that can only be experienced, my words can’t ever seem to do it justice. I never dread going to work because every single day I have an opportunity to connect with people, to encourage them to change and give more, and ultimately I do the same. My clients inspire me to give more especially when I don’t want to or don’t feel like I have anything to give.

So I guess you could say these dreams came true. I have more. I always will. And there are new destinations that I’d like to reach within the career I am in. But i know that when I follow my heart, trust in my purpose, and work to inspire others to be their best selves, I really can’t have it any better. That’s some serious #joblove right there. It’s out there. For each and every one of us to go after and figure it out through some...

Twenty Something Talks

RIDIN' SOLO

Dating. Possibly my least and most favorite topic to talk about at any given time. The concept of being single or in a relationship seems to be more prevalent now than ever before. That may be because I’m twenty something and half of my friends are either married with kids or as single as I am (which is very, very single). At one point in time the fact that I didn’t have a significant other left me feeling somewhat insignificant. And although I can slip back into that mentality real quick, I am currently not there, but in a place of gratitude. And here’s why.

For a period of time I would have considered myself a serial dater. I never meant for it to be that way, my intentions were completely pure with every intention to be in a happy healthy relationship, yet somehow I kept missing the mark. Either we weren’t compatible or I wasn’t available, both of which happened often. I consistently found myself in and out of relationships and having a harder and harder time being “alone”, the dreaded word that you don’t want to tell your family when you go home for Thanksgiving. Almost a year ago I made a decision to quit the dating game and take some time for myself. I've got a big heart, sometimes bigger than I'd like and I love with all of it. My main motivation was just to give that poor thing a break! Every time I had attempted to do this before, I had gone out with the fist person to ask, assuming that it was the will of the Universe that this person asked me out. This time I did not. I realized that I would go on dates or spend time with men just so that I wouldn’t necessarily feel alone. And that was what really helped me to see this was the right time. I had set the intention that this would be a time for myself, and myself alone, and I’ve stuck to it.

The first few weeks were AWFUL. I didn’t know what to do with my weekends, I felt like I was the only girl on the planet who wasn’t texting a guy in her spare time, but I also found I had more time to reflect and do some things I had never felt I had the time to do. The romantic in me has never allowed myself to truly take some time for “me” because I’m afraid that I could lose out on a relationship, but the logic in this decision was that if it hasn’t worked yet, maybe I need to take a change.

As the weeks continued, I started discovering how much I loved spending time alone. I have always been independent, but this time had taken it to a whole new level. I started exploring new recipes, trying new things on my own, I discovered that after years of thinking I didn’t, I actually love yoga, and I became more comfortable with who I am as a person. I had been so caught up in attempting to be my best self to attract someone else rather than be my best self for MYself.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am a hopeless romantic and believe in that crazy kind of love you see in the movies. I may be naive but I’ve seen it and I have no doubt when the time is right it’ll happen. But when I stopped trying to control that aspect of my life, I actually found a whole new kind of love, which was self love (if you’re rolling your eyes thats ok because that was f**king cheesy and pained me to write, but it’s true!) The more at peace I became with being alone, the more I felt I had to offer the world, the less drama I created in my own mind, and the more I began to come to terms with what it is I am actually looking for.

There are moments where I get lonely, where I feel like I’m going to be an old maid with a bunch of dogs (I’ve got one so I’m off to a decent start), but this time that I have spent committed to getting to know myself and who I am has been invaluable, something that I am glad I took at twenty something. I am comfortable and confident in who I am as a person and what I have to bring to the table, whether that be in a friendship, in my work life, or in a relationship. I have become more grounded in what makes me happy, what doesn’t, and ultimately who I am. This changes daily and I am consistently given opportunities to grow and change, as we all are. I do my best to live my purpose and inspire people around me through movement and I believe that by doing that I’ve come to terms with what I deserve and what I am looking for.

This post turned out to be less about dating and more about not dating, so sorry about that one! But everything happens for a reason. I was absolutely terrified to be alone, but it gave me the strength to be picky about who I let into my circle, into my life, and my heart. I get to decide what I give and who I give it to. I get to see that I am completely whole without another human being, and although I’d love to find a partner one day, it doesn’t have to define me, and it definitely doesn’t make me any less of a person because I don’t have one yet. Today I get to focus on myself and trust my gut feeling that says that has been MY time. right here. right now. So I guess not dating has become one of my least and most favorite topics to talk about these days. And that’s some real…

Twenty Something Talks

NEW YEAR // NEW ME?

ew Year New Me?

Oh New Years. The world of resolutions, attempts at a brand new self, the time when gym’s are packed to the gills, and we have this opportunity to start fresh.  I have to say, I am an absolute sucker for a good fresh start, but really who isn’t? Although the New Year really is just another day, it represents something a little deeper to us. It offers us a new chance to do those things we have put off, to be that person we always wanted to be, and ultimately make the year ahead the best yet. Although, I love the idea, there’s also something somewhat frustrating about a new year. Looking back at the “resolutions” I set in 2015 for this year, not all of them have been reached, some of them I have gone above and beyond with, and others I completely forgot about until opening the notes app on my phone this morning. Yet, with seeing the goals I had set, some of them seem unrealistic in nature, and others don’t even peak my interest anymore.

Looking at my vision board for the year I see a whole lot of bikes (as a spin instructor bikes felt very fitting), some inspirational quotes (I’m a sucker for those too), some new recipes, and hidden in the corner some man from shape magazine with a 6 pack (I’m assuming that was meant to manifest a nice boyfriend which at the time felt like something I wanted, in which case I am still single and actually couldn’t be happier about it). Things change, especially over time, we are able to see a new perspective on those things that seemed so important. I remember where I was a year ago and I look at where I am now, and it seems like two different worlds. Although I was able to achieve some of those photographic visions of my goals, there are others I have yet to reach, and some I am glad that timing has allowed me to wait on. On top of that, I have new goals that I am chomping at the bit to get started on achieving.

As much as the Type A planner in me loves any opportunity to make a list of goals to achieve, this year I decided to take a new approach. Of course I have things I would like to do in the the next year, places I would like to go, and things I would like to experience, but if I’ve learned anything in this last year, it’s that I can’t make anything happen before it’s time. So rather than starting January 1st with a juice cleanse, exercise plan, and an attempt to wear jeans once a week (yes that was one of my resolutions for this year and no I did not succeed and I am actually perfectly content with that one not working out the way I felt it should at that time. I love my yoga pants), I am going to start this year with an intention. An intention to be my best self. An intention to get comfortable being uncomfortable and doing new things. An intention to see things differently, to see myself differently, and the world around me differently. I tell my classes every day to set an intention. To let go of things that no longer serve us and to allow the energy in that will push you to go a little further than you think you can. I set an intention for my day every morning and I get an opportunity to reflect on how well it was executed every night.

So maybe my resolution isn’t to have one at all, but to have an intention. To be better, do better, and allow the universe to surprise me with what it has in store for me. New year, new dreams, new goals, and new intentions. That’s my resolution. 2017 bring it on.

Twenty Something Talks

Twenty Something Talks

So here I am, sitting here in Chicago as I’m visiting my family reflecting on the last 6 months of my twentysomething life. Graduating from college, completely changing what my professional direction in life had always seemed to be, and legitimate “adulting”. To say its been a terrifying few months (way more than I had ever expected) would be an understatement. But instead of channeling my energy all into fear, I wanted to put it somewhere else. So here we are.

I am extremely passionate. I have always had the need to feel connected to what I’m doing. To truly feel like what I’m doing matters. Maybe not to everyone out there, but to me. In the past 8 years I have changed states, changed careers, changed a whole lot on the inside, that have ultimately changed the way that my life looks like on the outside. Change is a powerful tool, yet myself, and many other people fear it. Without the change that has occurred in my life so far, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Born and raised in Chicago I took the leap to move to Los Angeles when I was 19. A decision I had been waiting to execute since I was young enough to form a sentence. I moved with every intention to pursue my music career, having no clue I would fall in love with the world of fitness and wellness, and in those moments, whether I knew it or not, was a decision that would ultimately change my twenties (or so far at least).

When I was younger, my twenties seemed like a dream. I remember fantasizing about all of the things I could do if I were just twenty something. I could wear makeup when I wanted, dress the way I felt like that day, date the guys I wanted to, and not have a curfew. While my twenties have held many moments of making my own calls, living on my own with a puppy, and working towards something I love, I never imagined it would be the most significant years of my life in regards to change. My twelve year old self would be shocked to see that I rarely find the time to put makeup on, I wear yoga pants every day to work, and I'm single yet the happiest I've ever been. (Oh, and I'm in bed every night before 10, so much for no curfew). Being a twenty something has its perks, and believe me when I say my life is beyond what I expected it to be. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t trials and times where I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life.

So here I am. Rather than sinking knee deep into this fear, I am going to embrace it and trust that no matter where I go, I am going to be okay. And I’m going to take all of you along the journey. If my heart is in it, I am never in the wrong place.  Twenty something, fourteen, or fifty something, we've all been here. So, here we go:

Twenty Something Talks