Dating. Possibly my least and most favorite topic to talk about at any given time. The concept of being single or in a relationship seems to be more prevalent now than ever before. That may be because I’m twenty something and half of my friends are either married with kids or as single as I am (which is very, very single). At one point in time the fact that I didn’t have a significant other left me feeling somewhat insignificant. And although I can slip back into that mentality real quick, I am currently not there, but in a place of gratitude. And here’s why.
For a period of time I would have considered myself a serial dater. I never meant for it to be that way, my intentions were completely pure with every intention to be in a happy healthy relationship, yet somehow I kept missing the mark. Either we weren’t compatible or I wasn’t available, both of which happened often. I consistently found myself in and out of relationships and having a harder and harder time being “alone”, the dreaded word that you don’t want to tell your family when you go home for Thanksgiving. Almost a year ago I made a decision to quit the dating game and take some time for myself. I've got a big heart, sometimes bigger than I'd like and I love with all of it. My main motivation was just to give that poor thing a break! Every time I had attempted to do this before, I had gone out with the fist person to ask, assuming that it was the will of the Universe that this person asked me out. This time I did not. I realized that I would go on dates or spend time with men just so that I wouldn’t necessarily feel alone. And that was what really helped me to see this was the right time. I had set the intention that this would be a time for myself, and myself alone, and I’ve stuck to it.
The first few weeks were AWFUL. I didn’t know what to do with my weekends, I felt like I was the only girl on the planet who wasn’t texting a guy in her spare time, but I also found I had more time to reflect and do some things I had never felt I had the time to do. The romantic in me has never allowed myself to truly take some time for “me” because I’m afraid that I could lose out on a relationship, but the logic in this decision was that if it hasn’t worked yet, maybe I need to take a change.
As the weeks continued, I started discovering how much I loved spending time alone. I have always been independent, but this time had taken it to a whole new level. I started exploring new recipes, trying new things on my own, I discovered that after years of thinking I didn’t, I actually love yoga, and I became more comfortable with who I am as a person. I had been so caught up in attempting to be my best self to attract someone else rather than be my best self for MYself.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am a hopeless romantic and believe in that crazy kind of love you see in the movies. I may be naive but I’ve seen it and I have no doubt when the time is right it’ll happen. But when I stopped trying to control that aspect of my life, I actually found a whole new kind of love, which was self love (if you’re rolling your eyes thats ok because that was f**king cheesy and pained me to write, but it’s true!) The more at peace I became with being alone, the more I felt I had to offer the world, the less drama I created in my own mind, and the more I began to come to terms with what it is I am actually looking for.
There are moments where I get lonely, where I feel like I’m going to be an old maid with a bunch of dogs (I’ve got one so I’m off to a decent start), but this time that I have spent committed to getting to know myself and who I am has been invaluable, something that I am glad I took at twenty something. I am comfortable and confident in who I am as a person and what I have to bring to the table, whether that be in a friendship, in my work life, or in a relationship. I have become more grounded in what makes me happy, what doesn’t, and ultimately who I am. This changes daily and I am consistently given opportunities to grow and change, as we all are. I do my best to live my purpose and inspire people around me through movement and I believe that by doing that I’ve come to terms with what I deserve and what I am looking for.
This post turned out to be less about dating and more about not dating, so sorry about that one! But everything happens for a reason. I was absolutely terrified to be alone, but it gave me the strength to be picky about who I let into my circle, into my life, and my heart. I get to decide what I give and who I give it to. I get to see that I am completely whole without another human being, and although I’d love to find a partner one day, it doesn’t have to define me, and it definitely doesn’t make me any less of a person because I don’t have one yet. Today I get to focus on myself and trust my gut feeling that says that has been MY time. right here. right now. So I guess not dating has become one of my least and most favorite topics to talk about these days. And that’s some real…
Twenty Something Talks